Debates about identity, language, and representation are common within the LGBTQ+ community. One conversation that’s been gaining traction in online spaces, from chat rooms to social media, is the tension between bisexual and pansexual identities. Bisexual individuals sometimes feel erased or overshadowed by the rise of pansexual discourse, while pansexual individuals feel they’re simply carving out a more inclusive space that better reflects their own experiences.
At a time when our collective rights are under threat from lawmakers, corporations, and bad-faith actors, these debates can feel especially painful. Yet they’re also an opportunity to understand each other, learn from each other, and, most importantly, stand together. Let’s break down the key arguments, why they matter, and how we can move forward without fracturing our already small and vulnerable community.
What’s the Difference? A Quick Primer
First, let’s get some definitions out of the way:
- Bisexuality: Traditionally defined as attraction to two or more genders (most commonly phrased as attraction to both men and women, though this has evolved over time).
- Pansexuality: Describes attraction to people regardless of gender, often seen as transcending gender altogether.
Both identities fall under the “bi+ umbrella,” a term that recognizes a shared experience of attraction to multiple genders. However, the nuances in how people define and experience these identities have become a flashpoint.
The Bisexual Perspective: Fears of Erasure and Historical Invisibility
Many bisexual individuals feel that pansexuality’s emergence as a “more inclusive” identity has come at their expense. Here’s why:
- Historical Erasure: Bisexuality has a long history of being misunderstood or outright dismissed. For decades, bi+ individuals have been accused of “sitting on the fence,” “picking a side,” or “not really existing.” In mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces, bi people have often been told they’re just “confused” or “experimenting,” rather than valid in their attraction to more than one gender.
- The Language of “Inclusivity”: Some pansexual advocates frame their identity as inherently more inclusive because it’s “gender-blind” or “not limited to binary genders.” For bisexual people, this can feel like a slap in the face, implying that bisexuality is stuck in outdated binaries and doesn’t encompass the full spectrum of gender diversity. But the reality is, many bisexual people see their identity as including trans and nonbinary people, too.
- A Sense of Being Replaced: When pansexuality is celebrated as the “modern” or “progressive” label, bisexual people can feel pushed out. They fear that the community is telling them, “You’re not inclusive enough,” even when their own understanding of bisexuality is broad and inclusive.
The Pansexual Perspective: Visibility, Language, and Authenticity
On the other side, many pansexual people argue that the term “pansexual” better reflects how they experience attraction and that it’s not about erasing anyone but about expressing themselves authentically.
- Language Matters: For many pansexuals, “bisexual” feels limiting. They don’t see their attraction as tied to any particular gender categories, and they appreciate that “pansexual” explicitly means “hearts, not parts” or “people, not genders.” It’s a way of rejecting any implication of a binary framework.
- A Need for Recognition: Pansexuals have also felt invisible, especially in older LGBTQ+ spaces that didn’t have language for gender-diverse attraction. They want their label to be recognized and respected, just as bisexuals have fought for their legitimacy.
- Not an Attack on Bi+ Identities: Many pansexuals don’t see their identity as “better” or “more inclusive” than bisexuality. They’re simply describing what feels truest for them. When people accuse them of erasing bisexuality, it can feel like being blamed for expressing their authentic selves.
Where the Tension Comes From: Real vs. Imagined Competition
So why do these debates get so heated? Part of it comes from genuine differences in how people experience attraction and how they want to talk about it. But part of it also comes from outside forces that benefit from our infighting:
- A Lack of Visibility: Both bisexuality and pansexuality have been historically marginalized, even within LGBTQ+ spaces. When there’s only so much space at the table, it can feel like we’re fighting for scraps, leading to resentment and competition.
- External Pressure: Mainstream media and even some LGBTQ+ organizations have tended to focus more on gay and lesbian narratives, leaving bi+ identities to fight for recognition. In that environment, any new term can feel like a threat to already limited representation.
- Fear of Invalidity: When your identity has been questioned your whole life, it’s easy to feel defensive. Bisexuals worry they’re being pushed aside. Pansexuals worry they’re being called inauthentic. These fears are real, and they deserve empathy.
Common Misunderstandings That Fuel the Fire
Let’s address some of the most common misunderstandings that keep this tension alive:
- Misconception: “Bisexuality Is Only Binary.”
Truth: Many bisexual people see their identity as inherently including nonbinary people—“bi” doesn’t have to mean “man or woman,” it just means “same and different” or “more than one gender.” - Misconception: “Pansexuality Is Just a Trend.”
Truth: Pansexuality isn’t new—people have always existed who felt their attraction transcends gender categories. The word might be newer in popular use, but the feelings behind it are not. - Misconception: “One Label Is Better Than the Other.”
Truth: Neither is “better.” Both are ways to describe attraction to multiple genders. Some people feel more at home with one label, some with the other.
Why This Debate Hurts Us All
At the end of the day, both bisexual and pansexual people are part of the same fight: to be seen, to be heard, and to be safe. But when we let these debates turn into community splits, we end up playing into the hands of those who want to see us divided.
Here’s why:
- We’re Stronger Together: Our bi+ community (including bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, and queer identities) makes up the largest portion of the LGBTQ+ community. That’s a huge amount of power if we can stand together.
- Our Rights Are Under Attack: Right now, politicians across the country are working to strip away our rights, banning books, censoring queer expression, and rolling back protections for trans people. These attacks don’t care about whether we call ourselves bi or pan. They’re coming for all of us.
- We Need Each Other: No matter how we label our attraction, we share common ground: We’re all fighting for the right to love who we love and to be recognized as valid. That’s worth so much more than any label.
A Call to Empathy
If you’re bisexual and feeling erased, your hurt is real. You have every right to speak up and ask for respect. If you’re pansexual and feeling accused of overshadowing bi identities, your truth matters too. You’re not an eraser of anyone else’s identity.
Empathy doesn’t mean ignoring our differences. It means acknowledging them, understanding them, and making space for each other. Here are a few steps we can take:
- Listen to Each Other: If a bi+ friend says they feel erased, hear them out. If a pan friend says they need their identity to be recognized, hear them out too.
- Educate Others, Not Each Other: Let’s focus our educational energy on those outside the community who still don’t understand or respect bi+ identities at all. We don’t need to waste time proving ourselves to each other.
- Avoid Hierarchies: There’s no prize for being “the most inclusive.” Both bisexual and pansexual identities are valid, and both deserve space.
We’re all part of the same tapestry of queer experience, woven from countless threads of identity and expression. Whether you identify as bisexual, pansexual, or something else entirely, your place in the LGBTQ+ family is secure and important.
And when we stand together, truly together, we’re a force to be reckoned with. Let’s not let these internal debates fracture us, especially at a time when the stakes are so high.
The Bottom Line
At the heart of all of this is love. The love we feel for others and the love we want to see reflected back at us. Labels are important tools, they help us find each other and tell our stories. But they’re not the whole story.
Key Takeaways for the Community:
- Both bisexuality and pansexuality are valid identities describing attraction to multiple genders.
- Many bisexual people see their identity as fully inclusive of nonbinary and trans people.
- Pansexuality can be an empowering term for those who feel their attraction transcends gender entirely.
- External forces (like mainstream media and bigotry) feed division within our already small LGBTQ+ community.
- Mutual empathy and unity are our greatest strengths, especially when anti-LGBTQ+ forces are working overtime to erase us all.
The next time you see a bi vs. pan debate online, pause. Remember that the person on the other side is part of your community, too. We’re all fighting for the same future: one where no one has to explain, justify, or defend who they are.
Let’s have these conversations with empathy. Let’s honor our differences without turning them into divisions. And let’s never forget: Living well, loving well, and standing together are the best revenge against a world that would rather see us torn apart.
