When I was a kid in the suburbs of Detroit during the 1970s, I knew something about me didn’t match the reflection in the mirror. I’d sneak into my mom’s room and try on her clothes or stare for too long at the girls around me, not out of attraction, but longing. I didn’t want to be with them; I wanted to be them.
But back then, there wasn’t a word for what I felt, at least not in my corner of the world. No one in our neighborhood talked about gender, and being “different” was often a quick ticket to bullying or worse. I didn’t see myself on TV. I didn’t have books or language to explain the ache in my chest. All I knew was that I wanted to be seen, but every signal around me said, hide.
So I did. I became what I thought the world expected: a son who played sports, a boy who kept his head down, and a man who built a “normal” life. Marriage, military, kids, work, all the boxes ticked. But deep down, the silence roared.
Now I’m 56, and nearly three years into my transition. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone wondering if it’s too late, it’s this: you’re never too old to live your truth. Yes, life will change, with both beautiful surprises and unexpected challenges, but the key to surviving and thriving is your mindset.
Healing from the “What Ifs”
For years, I tortured myself with questions like, What if I’d known? What if I’d transitioned at 20? Would my body look different? Would my life have been easier? Those thoughts nearly consumed me during my first year of transition.
But I’ve learned something freeing: there’s no future in the “what ifs.” All that matters is now. Every day I live authentically is a day I win back for myself.
Mindset Shift: Replace “I wish I had…” with “I’m grateful I can now…” The past isn’t a life sentence. It’s proof of your resilience.
RELATED: Overcoming Regret: Learning and Growing in Your Transition
Transition Brings Both Light and Shadow
Transitioning later in life is transformative, but it’s not all joy and rainbows. And that’s okay. Life-changing events should feel complicated.
The Positives
- The weight lifts. Living as yourself is the most powerful act of self-love imaginable.
- True friendships emerge. Some people drift away, but the ones who stay are pure gold.
- Every change is precious. A hint of softness in your face or a shift in your voice becomes a triumph.
The Challenges
- Slower physical changes. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) at 56 won’t create the same results as it does for someone 25, but the results are still beautiful.
- Family and career shifts. People might struggle to adjust to your truth. Some relationships will strain or end.
- Grieving the lost years. It’s natural to mourn what you never had: childhood as your true self, teenage experiences, and young adulthood.
Mindset Shift: Accept that joy and grief can coexist. You can celebrate your transition while still acknowledging the pain of what you endured.
Reclaiming Your Power Through Perspective
One thing that surprised me was how my age became a strength, not a liability. Older transitioners often bring a sense of self-awareness and tenacity that younger people might still be developing. We’ve survived decades of pretending; we know how to endure.
In many ways, I’ve been training for this my whole life. I learned to navigate complex social dynamics, raise a family, and build a career while carrying this hidden truth. Those skills now help me face the challenges of transition with courage and determination.
Mindset Shift: Age doesn’t make you weaker. It gives you tools that younger transitioners don’t yet have: emotional endurance, resourcefulness, and perspective.
Changing the Way You See Your Body
When you’ve lived for decades feeling disconnected from your own reflection, learning to love your body can be a challenge. Hormones help, but the mental shift is where the real transformation happens.
I had to learn to stop comparing myself to younger women or to the impossible standards we see online. My body tells my story; it’s strong, resilient, and mine. Instead of focusing on what I lack, I focus on what I’ve gained: softness where I once saw hardness, curves where I once felt angles, and a sense of belonging that no surgery alone could provide.
Mindset Shift: Your body is not late; it’s yours. Treat it like an ally, not an enemy.
Relationships Will Evolve
Coming out and transitioning in midlife can shake every relationship you have: family, friends, and colleagues. Some will adapt; some won’t.
When I came out, I lost people I thought would always be in my corner. It hurt. But I also found people I never expected, coworkers who became fierce allies, friends who embraced me without hesitation, and a community of trans and queer elders who felt like family from day one.
Mindset Shift: See change in relationships as an opportunity to cultivate authentic connection. The people who stay are those who love the real you.
Embracing Vulnerability as Strength
For most of my life, I lived behind walls. I thought vulnerability was weakness. Transition changed that.
When I started showing up as myself, people could finally see me, not the version I was pretending to be. And while that exposure was scary, it was also liberating. There’s nothing braver than living openly when the world expects you to hide.
Mindset Shift: Vulnerability isn’t failure. It’s proof of courage.
Community Matters Especially Later in Life
As a kid in 1970s Detroit, I didn’t have access to community. I thought I was the only person who felt the way I did. Today, older transitioners can find support in person or online, through local LGBTQ+ groups, trans support networks, or dedicated spaces for people over 40.
Being around people who understand your journey is vital. It reminds you that you’re not alone, that your experiences are valid, and that there’s a place for you in this world.
Mindset Shift: Seek community. It will remind you that your truth is not only valid but celebrated.
RELATED: Finding Your Tribe: Building a Supportive Community as a Single Trans Person
Navigating Medical and Financial Realities
Transitioning later in life means navigating unique medical and financial landscapes. Health conditions, insurance hurdles, or limited savings can complicate things. But with patience, research, and the right support team, these obstacles can be managed.
- Plan ahead. Research HRT, surgeries, and mental health resources.
- Budget realistically. Transition-related care can be costly, but small, steady investments in yourself are worth it.
- Advocate for your health. Some providers still carry outdated biases. Find professionals who see and respect you.
Mindset Shift: Think of transition as both an emotional and logistical journey: plan, but also adapt.
Reimagining Your Future
Transitioning later in life can feel like starting over. For me, that’s both thrilling and terrifying. I’ve had to reimagine what my future looks like as a transgender woman at 56 and I’ve realized that I get to build something entirely mine.
Maybe you’ll explore new hobbies, meet new people, travel as your authentic self, or even start dating again. The possibilities are endless.
Mindset Shift: Your future is not smaller because you started later. It’s richer because you finally get to live it.
RELATED: Finding Purpose and Joy Through Hobbies at Any Age
You’re Not Late to Your Life, You’re Right on Time
If I could go back and tell that confused, scared kid in 1970s Detroit anything, I’d tell her this: “Hold on. Your time will come. You’ll live to see the day where you can be everything you’ve always been inside.”
Transitioning in midlife isn’t about regret; it’s about reclaiming your right to exist, to thrive, to be seen.
Key Mindset Shifts to Remember
| Old Thought | New Mindset |
|---|---|
| “I’m too late.” | “I’m right on time for me.” |
| “I’ve wasted my life.” | “My story led me here, and that’s powerful.” |
| “My body won’t change enough.” | “Every small change is a victory.” |
| “I’ll lose everyone.” | “The ones who stay are the ones who matter.” |
| “I can’t start over.” | “I get to create the next chapter.” |
The Bottom Line
Transition is not about erasing the past; it’s about writing the next chapter with the pen finally in your hand. Yes, there are challenges: slower physical changes, evolving relationships, and moments of grief, but there’s also joy, peace, and an unshakable sense of freedom.
At 56, I don’t regret my timeline. I celebrate it. Every step I take now is a declaration: I am still here. I am still becoming. And I’m exactly where I need to be.
I wish I could agree with you and that you’re never too old to transition. Sadly, I cannot. I’m too old, my circumstances won’t allow it, and it’s never going to happen for me. I hope others will be able to be their true selves and do it when they’re young enough to make it work. My time has come and gone, and there’s no going back or changing the situation for me now. I wish it were otherwise, but that’s my reality and I’ve accepted it. All the best to everyone. I hope you find what you need to be your authentic selves.