Some people change up their gym goals because of a new season or an Instagram trend. But if you’re a transgender woman balancing transition, mental health, and a complex fitness history, those shifting goals hit on something much deeper.
This isn’t about aesthetics. Not really. This is about identity. It’s about dysphoria, euphoria, grief, control, and the eternal tug-of-war between how we want to feel and what our body will let us see.
For many trans women, especially those with a background in bodybuilding or athletic competition, the gym has always been a place of control. Of power. Of self-mastery. But what happens when that body you once built to survive no longer matches the woman you’re becoming?
Welcome to the emotional minefield of back-and-forth fitness goals in transition. Let’s talk about it openly, honestly, and with compassion for every messy rep and mirror check along the way.
My Story: A Body Built for Power, A Mind Craving Peace
Before transition, I was a force. 1495-pound gym total. I trained like my life depended on it, because in some ways, it did. The gym gave me safety, routine, and the armor I needed to survive in a world that didn’t see me.
When I started transitioning, I made a conscious choice: I wanted softness. I wanted curves. I wanted to walk into a room and be read not as a threat, but as beautiful. Feminine. Seen.
So I downsized.
I dropped weight. I skipped upper body days. I watched my muscle vanish. I cried over the shape of my shoulders and the size of my arms. And eventually, I realized something heartbreaking:
I would never look like the women I idolized.
My frame wouldn’t change. My height wouldn’t shrink. My hips wouldn’t widen. Estrogen softened the edges, but the architecture remained mine.
And when that reality hit me hard, I did what I always do when I’m overwhelmed.
I went back to the gym.
Strength Training as Coping Mechanism
There’s something magical about resistance training when the world feels like it’s collapsing. It’s focused. Rhythmic. Safe. And for many of us who’ve lived in hostile or dysphoric bodies, it’s one of the few places we can feel in control.
But for trans women, that return to strength often comes with complicated baggage.
- What if I get too bulky again?
- What if people stop reading me as feminine?
- What if I like how I feel in the gym more than how I look in the mirror afterward?
I’ve flipped back and forth so many times, I’ve started keeping a journal just to track the cycles.
Soft girl summer.
Bikini competitor winter.
Back to soft.
Maybe powerlifter again?
And every time, I ask myself: What am I chasing?
Mirror vs. Mind: When Dysphoria Battles Euphoria
Let’s be clear: It’s not just about vanity.
It’s about dysphoria.
And dysphoria doesn’t care how lean your abs are or how perfectly you nailed your posing routine. It waits for you in the mirror, ready to whisper, This still isn’t you.
That whisper gets louder when:
- Your biceps pop a little too much for your comfort.
- You see veins instead of softness.
- Your hips still haven’t changed, no matter how much you squat.
But here’s the trap: Euphoria isn’t guaranteed on the other side of softness either.
Some of us shrink down only to feel… hollow. Weak. Exposed. And then we chase the gym again, trying to sculpt strength back onto our skeletons, not because we want to return to the old version of ourselves, but because we still haven’t figured out who we’re becoming.
The Never-Ending Cycle of “Changing Goals”
If you’ve felt this before, you’re not alone. The “goal cycle” is incredibly common in the trans fitness community, especially for those of us who:
- Used fitness as an escape before transition
- Have aesthetic goals that feel just out of reach
- Don’t see ourselves represented in mainstream fitness models
- Are still processing trauma or rejection tied to our old bodies
One month it’s “soft is beautiful.”
The next it’s “muscles are feminine too.”
The next it’s “I’ll compete again, but in a bikini class.”
Then, “Why can’t I just look like her?”
Back. Forth. Repeat.
It’s easy to feel like you’re failing, or flaking, or losing your mind. But you’re not. You’re responding to a very real emotional need that’s evolving as you evolve.
What’s Really Driving the Shift?
Behind every back-and-forth fitness swing is a deeper question:
What do I think achieving this new body will give me?
Validation?
Safety?
Attention?
Relief from dysphoria?
Control during a chaotic time?
If the answer keeps changing, that’s okay. Trans people are constantly renegotiating our relationship with our bodies. Sometimes we want strength because we feel weak. Other times we want softness because we feel too exposed.
Neither is wrong.
But when we chase an image that never delivers the peace we hoped for, it might be time to pause, not just to change our training plan, but to listen to what our body is trying to say.
A Better Framework: Identity-Driven Fitness
Instead of switching between “soft girl aesthetic” and “bikini comp mode” like they’re opposing camps, what if we reframed the conversation?
Let’s ditch the binary fitness goals. Try these reframes instead:
| Traditional Fitness Goal | Identity-Driven Reframe |
|---|---|
| “Lose muscle” | “Create space for new softness” |
| “Get jacked again” | “Feel powerful in this new body” |
| “Cut for the summer” | “Find comfort in movement and visibility” |
| “Bulk like I used to” | “Reclaim strength on my own terms” |
This isn’t about either/or. It’s about both/and. You can lift heavy and be feminine. You can be soft and still feel strong. Your body doesn’t need to fit a mold to be yours.
Tips for Navigating Fitness Swings During Transition
You may never land on one goal forever, and that’s okay. But if you’re stuck in the loop and it’s messing with your head, try these:
Use Micro-Cycles
Instead of choosing one goal for the year, try setting a 4–6 week intention.
- July–August: prioritize movement for mental health
- September: add strength twice a week
- October: focus on mobility and restorative routines
Let your body shift with the seasons, not against them.
Mirror Journaling
Every time you look in the mirror and feel that pang, write it down.
- What did you see?
- What did you want to see?
- What emotion came up?
You’ll begin to track patterns, and sometimes, the root cause has nothing to do with your physique at all.
Redefine Progress Metrics
Instead of weight or size, track:
- Energy levels
- Sleep quality
- Emotional stability
- Confidence while walking down the street
These are the real gains.
Set Boundaries with Social Media
It’s easy to spiral when you’re seeing bikini athletes one day and soft-and-glowy influencer bodies the next.
Curate your feed. Unfollow anyone who triggers goal panic. Follow trans creators with diverse bodies and vibes instead.
Therapy + Lifting = Gold
There’s no shame in needing support to unpack what your body means to you. Especially when it’s changed so much, so fast. A good therapist can help you find language for your cycles and maybe even peace within them.
You Don’t Have to Choose
The world loves binaries. Masculine or feminine. Bulk or cut. Soft or hard. Strong or small.
But you’re not the world’s idea of womanhood; you’re yours.
You can wear a sundress to brunch and deadlift 250 the same day. You can crave softness in your arms and firmness in your core. You can love your traps today and wish they’d disappear tomorrow.
And you don’t have to feel ashamed of that shift.
Because gender is fluid. Goals are fluid. And your relationship with your body deserves space to breathe.
Want to See Both Worlds?
If you’re balancing strength and softness, try this hybrid weekly plan:
Monday:
Strength (upper body): moderate weight, focus on form
Journal 5–10 minutes post-workout
Tuesday:
Movement for joy: dancing, flow, or yoga
Body balm or skincare ritual (connect with your physical form)
Wednesday:
Lower body circuit + light cardio
Reflective playlist time
Thursday:
Rest or guided meditation
Read a body-positive or trans-authored book
Friday:
Bikini-style focus: core, glutes, posture
Try on an outfit that affirms your gender
Saturday:
Outdoor movement: hike, park, walk with a friend
Nourishing meal with hydration focus
Sunday:
Plan your week’s intention; not your weight, not your measurements, just your vibe
The Bottom Line
The mirror reflects what’s in front of it. Not who you are.
Some days it will lie to you.
Some days it will seduce you.
Some days it will break your heart.
But it’s not the boss.
You are.
You, with your scars and stretch marks and quad definition and estrogen-softened cheeks. You, with your gym log full of crossed-out goals. You, standing in your sports bra wondering if you’ll ever just settle in.
Maybe you won’t. Maybe that’s not the point.
Maybe the real goal isn’t softness or strength; it’s freedom.
Freedom to change.
Freedom to pause.
Freedom to grow, sweat, and shift shape again.
Because in this body, in this life, you get to be the designer. And that, love, is more powerful than any trophy on the shelf.
