It’s 1:30 in the morning. I should be asleep. I’ve been in bed for hours, technically “resting,” but really just lying there in a fog of mental chaos, replaying conversations, predicting outcomes, and imagining scenarios that might never happen. There’s a situation in my life right now that I absolutely cannot control, yet somehow, my brain decided that tonight was the perfect time to dissect every possible angle of it. Helpful, right?
I kept whispering to myself, stop it… just stop. I told myself I needed sleep, that tomorrow’s a workday, and that overthinking it wouldn’t change anything. But the thoughts didn’t stop. So instead of sleeping, I got out of bed, made a cup of coffee, lit a cigarette, and started journaling. About halfway through the entry, I realized I was writing today’s article. Because I know I’m not alone in this.
Overthinking isn’t just a quirky trait or a harmless habit. It’s a life-thief. It steals time, energy, joy, and rest. And for many transgender people, myself included, it becomes a deeply embedded survival mechanism. When you’ve spent a lifetime navigating fear, rejection, dysphoria, and social danger, your brain gets used to anticipating every threat. Even the ones that don’t exist.
So here we are. Let’s talk about it.
What Overthinking Actually Is (and Isn’t)
Overthinking isn’t just thinking too much. It’s the mental loop that traps you in “what if,” “should I have,” and “what does this mean” spirals. It’s running mental simulations about how people see you, whether your voice was too masculine in that last meeting, or if your new coworker clocked you and is now gossiping behind your back.
It’s analyzing past conversations until they become emotional autopsies. It’s playing out conversations you’ll never have. It’s fixating on things that already happened, or haven’t happened, or might never happen. All the while, your real life is waiting for you to show up.
What it isn’t is productive. It doesn’t make you safer. It doesn’t make you more prepared. It doesn’t help you “figure things out.” It’s anxiety in costume, disguised as control.
Why It’s So Common in Trans Lives
If you’re trans, you probably developed hyper-awareness early on. It was a tool for survival: watching people’s reactions, decoding social cues, and constantly managing how others perceived you. Overthinking once served as a form of control when everything else felt out of your hands: your body, your family’s acceptance, your safety in public, and even how you were gendered in a sentence.
That kind of mental vigilance becomes second nature. Even after we come out. Even after transition. Even after therapy. It’s hard to stop scanning for danger when your nervous system has been trained to expect it.
And let’s be real. Being trans in a world that often doesn’t understand or accept us can be dangerous. Overthinking becomes the brain’s misguided attempt at preemptive protection. But the problem is, it doesn’t know when to shut off.
The Cost of Overthinking
Overthinking might seem like a private little habit, but its effects ripple out into your life:
- It ruins your rest. Like tonight. I’ve been horizontal for hours and got zero actual sleep. My brain just wouldn’t shut up.
- It hijacks your joy. You can’t enjoy the present if your mind is living in some fictional future disaster.
- It keeps you stuck. Overthinking paralyzes decision-making. You don’t act because you’re too busy evaluating every possibility.
- It worsens dysphoria. When you’re already prone to body-based or social anxiety, spiraling thoughts amplify every insecurity.
- It fuels imposter syndrome. You doubt your transition choices, your relationships, and your very self because you’ve overanalyzed it all into oblivion.
- It makes you feel alone. Because these spirals are often internal, it’s easy to believe you’re the only one who struggles this way. Spoiler alert: you’re not.
Therapy Helps… Until It Doesn’t
Here’s the part that might surprise some people: I’ve been in therapy. For years. With multiple therapists. Some helped more than others. I’ve learned strategies, done the worksheets, tried the apps, tracked the thoughts. And yet here I am, in the middle of the night, writing an article instead of sleeping because my brain won’t let go of something I can’t fix.
This isn’t to say therapy doesn’t work. It does, sometimes, and for some things. But if you’ve done all the “right” things and still find yourself spiraling, you’re not broken. You’re just human. And you probably grew up in a world that taught you survival was your responsibility. For trans people especially, that sense of hypervigilance runs deep.
So What Do You Actually Do?
I’m not going to pretend I’ve solved this. If I had, I’d be asleep right now, not typing in the glow of my monitor like a caffeinated raccoon. But I am learning, and here’s what helps when I remember to do it:
Name the Spiral
It sounds too simple, but give it a label. “This is a spiral.” “This is overthinking.” “This is fear pretending to be logic.” Calling it what it is creates a little distance between you and the thought.
Interrupt the Pattern
Physically do something different. Stand up. Walk to a different room. Change the lighting. Put your hand on your chest and take a breath. Your body is the anchor your brain forgot about.
Ask, “Can I do anything about this right now?”
If the answer is no (and it usually is at 1:30 AM), remind yourself that you can revisit it tomorrow. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to rest even when things feel unfinished.
Give Yourself Permission to Let Go
This one’s hard. Especially if you think letting go means being irresponsible or giving up. It’s not. It’s choosing peace instead of panic. You can pick it back up later if needed.
Redirect Gently
Try journaling, stretching, watching a comforting show, or reading something soothing. Choose something that reminds your brain it’s safe to stop spinning.
When the Problem Feels Too Big to Let Go
Sometimes we overthink not just because we’re anxious, but because something feels important. There’s a sense of urgency, of needing to fix it, understand it, or prepare for it right now. Your brain latches on and refuses to let go, convinced that if you just think it through one more time, you’ll find the answer.
But here’s the truth. Some things can’t be solved in your head. Especially when they involve uncertainty, emotional weight, or circumstances beyond your reach. Thinking harder doesn’t always lead to clarity. Sometimes it only leads to exhaustion.
So instead of finding the answer tonight, I wrote this article. I chose connection over control. I turned my spiral into something that might help someone else. And maybe that’s enough for now.
If You’re Trans and Struggling With Overthinking, You’re Not Alone
This issue runs deep in our community. And no, it’s not just because we’re sensitive or dramatic or trauma-prone. It’s because we’ve had to become hyperaware just to survive.
But survival doesn’t have to be your whole life. You deserve peace. You deserve rest. You don’t have to think your way through everything. You don’t have to solve every variable before you’re allowed to exhale.
Tonight might not be the night I sleep well. But maybe it’ll be the night you realize you’re not broken, just wired for survival. And you are allowed to rewire, slowly and gently, in the direction of rest.
Some Words to Keep Handy
If you don’t take anything else from this article, take this little script and save it in your notes:
“I am spiraling. I know this feeling. It’s not forever. I can’t fix it right now, but I can give myself rest. I’m not failing. I’m learning to let go. My safety is not in my thinking; it’s in my being. I can pause. I am allowed to rest.”
Final Thoughts at 5:07 AM
Yep, still awake. But now I feel a little less alone. And maybe you do too.
Overthinking what we can’t control is not a personal flaw. It’s a learned response. One that takes time to unlearn. If this is something you deal with, I see you. If you’re transgender, the world has already thrown enough your way. You don’t need your own brain piling on too.
You’re not weak for spiraling. You’re not broken because the old tricks haven’t worked. And you’re not alone in this.
Take a breath. Choose a little peace. And if you can’t sleep tonight, know that at least one other person out there gets it and wrote this for you.
