Yesterday, while scrolling through Facebook, a post caught my eye. It was a simple list. Nine signs you’ve found the right people to keep close. I read it once, then again, then immediately messaged it to my best friend with a note: “Thank you.” She replied, “You are the same for me. You’re welcome, and thank you.”
The exchange was short, but something about it stuck with me. Maybe it’s because, as a trans woman, I’ve written so many articles warning our community about red flags. About the people who drain us, deny us, or disappear when we need them most. But this list wasn’t about caution; it was about celebration. It reminded me that in a world that often feels hostile, some people bring warmth, safety, and joy. And those people deserve more of our attention.
Trans people often have smaller, tighter circles than our cis peers. We’re selective out of necessity. But in that selectiveness, we can also find beauty, a chance to build something real, grounded in love and mutual understanding. Let’s talk about what it looks like when you’ve found your people.
They Celebrate Your Wins
When someone truly cares about you, your success feels like their success. Whether it’s landing a job, finishing a name change, finally feeling at home in your body, or even just surviving a hard week, good friends see those moments and say, “I’m proud of you.”
Trans joy can be revolutionary, but it’s also deeply personal. It’s your best friend tearing up when you try on an outfit that finally feels right. It’s the friend who brings cake for your legal gender marker change. The ones who cheer you on loudly, without jealousy, without conditions, and without making it about themselves. That’s not just support. That’s love in action.
They Remember the Little Things
The people who matter most don’t need reminders about what matters to you. They remember how you take your coffee, the name of your cat who passed last year, or how dysphoria hits harder on certain days. They text you when your favorite band drops a new single. They show up with your go-to comfort snack without being asked.
For trans people, being seen in small ways can feel huge. When so much of the world forgets or ignores who we are, friends who remember help stitch us back together. They’re the ones who hold onto the little threads that make us whole.
They Respect Your Boundaries
In a society that often demands explanations, justifications, and emotional labor from trans folks, boundaries are lifelines. The right people don’t question them. They don’t guilt-trip you for saying no. They don’t poke at your privacy or assume access to your identity. Instead, they respond with grace, adjust accordingly, and never make you feel bad for needing space.
Whether it’s telling someone you’re not ready to talk about surgery, asking them to use your chosen name, or just needing a quiet night in, they respect it. And they respect you for having the courage to ask for what you need.
You Feel Energized After Seeing Them
Some people leave you drained. Others leave you lit up inside and out. The ones you want to keep around? They fall into the second category. You laugh more. Breathe easier. Your posture loosens, your guard comes down, and your smile feels less like a shield and more like a window.
Especially for trans people, who often navigate social environments with hyper-awareness, this kind of comfort is priceless. With the right friends, you don’t feel like you have to perform, shrink, or self-monitor. Instead, you feel restored.
They Listen Without Being Defensive
Real listening is rare. It’s even rarer when you’re trans and constantly dealing with people who want to debate your existence. But green-flag friends? They don’t argue. They absorb. They sit with your truths, even when they don’t fully understand them yet.
If you say, “That joke made me uncomfortable,” they don’t say, “You’re too sensitive.” They say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that my joke made you uncomfortable; thank you for being honest with me. They take feedback as a sign of trust, not a personal attack. That kind of emotional maturity is gold, and it builds a foundation where everyone can grow together.
They Allow You to Be Fully Yourself
This one’s simple but powerful. They don’t just tolerate who you are; they embrace it. Your style, your voice, your quirks, your gender, your pronouns, your past, your dreams, none of it is too much. None of it is “too complicated.” They don’t flinch at your history or try to shape you into something easier to explain at parties.
For trans folks, who often battle invisibility or hyper-visibility with no in-between, finding people who let you just be is everything. It’s freedom in human form.
They Make You Feel Safe
Emotional safety is not optional; it’s essential. It means you can cry without fear of judgment. You can be angry without being punished. You can be silent without being accused of withdrawal. Safe friends make it okay to be messy. To feel big feelings. To not have it all figured out.
They check in when you disappear. They stand up when you’re being mistreated. And when things get scary, because let’s be honest, the world can be scary for us, they make sure you know you’re not facing it alone.
You Don’t Have to Watch What You Say
Around the right people, you don’t need to rehearse every sentence or overthink every joke. You don’t have to tone yourself down or wonder, “Will my words make them uncomfortable if I talk about being trans?” You can be raw, real, and unfiltered.
For trans people, this is often the rarest green flag of all. Many of us have been burned by friendships where we had to censor ourselves to feel “safe.” But when you find someone who never makes you regret opening your mouth? That’s sacred. That’s someone worth holding close.
They Support Your Goals
Real friends don’t just want you to be happy now; they want you to grow. They ask about your plans, your dreams, and your passions. They text you before a big interview or send memes when you’re deep in your writing. They help you move, show up to your drag show, or proofread your resume with genuine care.
And when your goals involve trans milestones (medical, legal, or social) they don’t question your timeline or push their opinions. They simply say, “Whatever path you choose, I’m with you.”
The Bottom Line
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I wish I had friends like this,” please know you’re not alone. Many trans people have had to start over, rebuild, or go long stretches without a safety net. But I promise, they’re out there. And you deserve them.
You deserve people who lift you up instead of weighing you down. These people see the fullness of who you are without flinching. Who brings joy, light, and stability into your life.
And maybe, just maybe, you’re already being that person for someone else.
That Facebook post was a reminder to me of what’s possible. Of what already exists in my life. Of how grateful I am to have people who check every single one of those boxes. If you have someone like that in your life, please let them know. Thank them. And if you don’t have someone like that yet, don’t settle for less.
There’s a reason they call them green flags.
You’re not asking for too much. You’re just waiting for people who give enough.
A Personal Thank You
Before I close this out, I want to say something personal.
To my friend Diane,
Without you, TransVitae.com may have never come to life. You’ve been that steady, joyful, fierce, compassionate, awesome, and humble presence who hits every one of these green flags every single day. You’ve shown me what safe friendship feels like. What mutual support looks like. What it means to be truly seen, heard, and celebrated.
Thank you for walking beside me on this journey. You believed in me before I fully believed in myself. For being the kind of person this article was written about and written for.
You’re not just a friend. You’re the blueprint.
With heartfelt and true gratitude, Bricki
