Friendship can feel like oxygen, especially when you are navigating gender dysphoria, hostile laws, or family tension. Yet many transgender people report intense loneliness: a 2023 systematic review found 83 percent of trans and non-binary respondents described themselves as lonely, and 77 percent felt socially isolated. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention echoed that pattern, noting loneliness rates above 56 percent among transgender adults in a large 2023 sample.
Supportive friends buffer all of that stress. Unsupportive friends do the opposite, increasing depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. Below is a field guide to fifteen friend-shaped hazards, how to spot them, and how to protect your peace.
The Constant Liar
What they are: Pathological storytellers who treat facts as optional DLC. Sometimes they spin tales for attention, sometimes to hide sketchy motives, like borrowing money they never repay or outing you while denying it later. You’ll find yourself fact-checking their every word and doubting your own memory.
Signs
- Stories change each time you ask.
- Tiny facts are wrong (birthdays, dates, receipts).
- They act wounded when pressed for proof.
What to do: Start by verifying anything that could hurt you: dates, receipts, “emergencies.” Give them one calm opportunity to clarify; if the story shifts again, assume the pattern won’t change. From there, keep written records of important exchanges and quietly exit once dishonesty edges into your finances, privacy, or safety.
The Jealous One
What they are: Friends who interpret your progress as personal failure. Jealousy shows up as faux praise, “Nice surgery results; some of us aren’t that privileged,” or subtle sabotage, like downplaying wins and celebrating your missteps.
Signs
- Back-handed praise: “Nice surgery results; some of us are still waiting.”
- Sulks when you post happy selfies.
- Faint smile when something goes wrong for you.
What to do: Name what you’re seeing and invite an honest conversation: “It feels like my good news upsets you.” If the envy runs deeper than one talk can fix, protect your milestones by sharing them first with people who genuinely cheer for you, and let this friend drift to your outer orbit.
The One-Upper
What they are: Walking leaderboards who refuse to let you own a highlight. They turn every conversation into a scoreboard and every hardship into trauma Olympics.
Signs
- Interrupts to announce they did it better.
- Turns trauma sharing into a contest.
- Uses phrases like “That’s nothing, wait until you hear my story.”
What to do: Hold the floor long enough to finish your point, even if that means calmly asserting, “I’m not done yet.” Should they keep hijacking stories or comparing pain, shift to lighter topics or spend less one-on-one time; you deserve listeners, not hecklers.
The Gossip
What they are: Leak machines who trade secrets for social clout. They appear trustworthy at first, harvesting your vulnerabilities for later currency.
Signs
- Begins tea with “Don’t tell anyone, but…”.
- Shares details clearly given in confidence.
- Thrives on scandal, rarely on solutions.
What to do: Test them with low-stakes information. If it races back to you through the grapevine, stop sharing anything sensitive. When fresh gossip starts, redirect the chat: “That sounds private; let’s talk about something else,” and gradually step away if they can’t respect the boundary.
The Drama Magnet
What they are: Chaos connoisseurs who measure closeness by crisis. Their lives are rolling emergencies that demand your immediate labor.
Signs
- Weekly emergencies that somehow never resolve.
- Picks fights, screenshots reactions, and reposts them.
- New “toxic ex-best friend” every quarter.
What to do: Ask gentle triage questions, “Is this urgent, or can it wait until tomorrow?” to see whether the storm is real. Limit vent sessions to set times, offer professional resources instead of constant rescuing, and bow out entirely if you’re stuck in a 24/7 therapist role you never applied for.
The User
What they are: Transactional acquaintances who love your car on moving day, your Netflix password at night, and your clout online, yet vanish when you need anything back.
Signs
- Favors flow one direction.
- “Forgot wallet” becomes a habit.
- Radio silence during your own rough patches.
What to do: Track the balance between giving and receiving; if it stays lopsided, say so directly. Practice a firm but polite “no,” recommend alternatives that put effort on them, and disengage when they guilt-trip you for having boundaries.
The Fake Supporter
What they are: Performative allies whose solidarity lasts only until it costs them comfort. They’ll wave rainbow flags in selfies but freeze when Uncle Carl misgenders you at brunch.
Signs
- “Love who you are, but do you need to be so visible?”
- Silent when family misgenders you.
- Votes, donations, or retweets never match their ally rhetoric.
What to do: Request concrete action by speaking up, voting, and donating, and watch what happens. Offer a short educational nudge if you have energy; otherwise, invest in allies who already show up without auditions.
The Narcissist
What they are: Ego-driven friends who treat you as a prestige accessory. Expect early love-bombing, endless monologues, and eventual discard once the spotlight shifts.
Signs
- Love-bombs when you meet, ghosts when you stop providing praise.
- Brags: “Look how progressive I am, my best friend is trans.”
- Gaslights when called out: “You are too sensitive.”
What to do: Starve their need for drama by keeping responses brief and factual. Compliment genuine reciprocity but withhold emotional fuel when they fish for it. Guard your vulnerabilities; they may weaponize secrets and leave as soon as manipulation outpaces basic respect.
The Negative Nancy
What they are: Perpetual doom-scrolls in human form. They spotlight worst-case scenarios until your optimism withers.
Signs
- Dismisses hopeful news: “Won’t matter, laws will get worse.”
- Shoots down every plan.
- Constant catastrophizing fuels your anxiety.
What to do: Set time-boxed vent windows, five minutes of ranting followed by solution-seeking, and signal when you need a positivity break. Recommend professional help if the gloom feels clinical, and take space whenever interactions leave you spiraling.
The Manipulator
What they are: Emotion engineers who steer your choices with guilt trips, obligation, or fear. They might hint at leaking secrets or play the perpetual victim when challenged.
Signs
- “After all I have done for you…” appears in arguments.
- Leverages private info for compliance.
- Plays victim when boundaries appear.
What to do: Call out the tactic, “That feels like a guilt trip,” and reaffirm your stance without apology. Keep records in case you need backup from roommates, HR, or authorities; recruit supportive witnesses; and cut contact if manipulation escalates.
The Hypocrite
What they are: Moral chameleons who preach inclusion while practicing bigotry when convenient. Think #ProtectTransKids online, but a ballot cast for candidates who ban care.
Signs
- Preaches safe spaces yet laughs at anti-trans memes.
- Demands pronoun respect but misgenders nonbinary friends.
- Public virtue, private bigotry.
What to do: Confront contradictions calmly and ask how their actions align with their stated values. If nothing changes, trust behavior over slogans and limit access to your life.
The Disrespectful One
What they are: Boundary-hoppers who dead-name, misgender, or mock your identity. Disrespect can be blatant or brushed off as “just jokes.”
Signs
- Dead-names you then claims “habit.”
- Touches binders or prosthetics without consent.
- Shares transphobic memes for laughs.
What to do: State expectations clearly, “Please use my correct name and pronouns.” If they refuse, remove yourself from the situation, enlist allies when possible, and prioritize environments where your identity is honored.
The Commitment Phobe
What they are: Chronic flakes who fear scheduling and emotional accountability. Plans stay theoretical, and support evaporates when crises hit.
Signs
- Cancels last minute, blaming vague health.
- Avoids deep conversations.
- Promises help during surgery recovery and then ghosts.
What to do: Rely on concrete yes-or-no invites and keep emotional stakes low until reliability improves. Broaden your support circle so one person’s absence doesn’t leave you stranded, and accept that some friendships function best at casual distance.
The Pessimist
What they are: Fatalists convinced nothing ever improves: legislation, relationships, even your transition goals.
Signs
- Calls transition goals “pipe dreams.”
- Labels activism pointless.
- Frames your happiness as naïve.
What to do: Shift conversations toward actionable steps and balance heavy talk with uplifting activities like art nights or park walks. When the doom loop drags on, protect your hope by limiting exposure and reminding yourself progress is real, even if they can’t see it.
The Fetishizer (The Chaser)
What they are: People who reduce trans bodies to novelty or kink. You notice invasive anatomy questions, porn-based assumptions, and a vibe that you’re an accessory rather than a person.
Signs
- Rapid invasive questions about surgeries or genitals.
- Over-sexualized compliments referencing porn tropes.
- “I always wanted a trans friend/partner!” like you are a collectible.
- Ignores boundaries when asked to stop.
What to do: Shut down objectification immediately with “I don’t discuss my body like that,” and refuse further details. If curiosity persists, block, delete, or walk away without apology. Your humanity is never up for commodification.
Protective Toolkit
- Boundary phrases ready-to-go
- “I am not comfortable discussing that.”
- “I need time to think about what you just said.”
- “If this continues, I will leave.”
- Keep receipts
Screenshots defeat gaslighting. - Energy audit
After each hangout, ask, “Do I feel lighter or drained?” - Positive backups
Join trans-led peer groups, hobby communities, or mutual aid networks. Identity-aligned friendships reduce suicide attempts among LGBTQ youth by more than half. - Professional help is okay
A therapist can separate normal bumps from toxic patterns. - Know when to go
Walking away is not failure; it is self-respect.
The Bottom Line
Friendships should feel safe, affirming, and energizing. When they do, they act like armor against a world that still debates our right to exist. When they do not, they amplify danger. Use this list as a compass, trust your instincts, and remember that wanting solid friends is not “too picky.” It is necessary. You deserve allies who learn your pronouns, save you the last donut, and hype your selfies like the masterpieces they are.
